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Controlling Stress and Toxic Relationships - 10 Self-Coaching Suggestions For Surviving the Holidays

By Drdeah_Curry

It's sad but true that the season extending from Thanksgiving through New Year's is often the most stressful time of year in families and close friendships. Depressions deepen, anxieties rise, and aggressions and frustrations get unleashed, causing serious emotional frustration. It can't all be blamed on global warming, the election outcome, or seasonal affective disorder.

Some stress at this time of year is predictable. We're spending more money than is sensible in a down economy on gifts for people we may not even like. We're fighting shopping crowds and endless traffic, and waiting in interminable lines at the post office. We feel pressured to attend social functions that drain our energy, where we over-eat and over-drink to the level of feeling miserable. And we call this holiday cheer? Bah humbug.

For those who long to celebrate the holidays in the true spirit of a multi-culturally meaningful season, here are some ideas for gracefully creating a stress-free inner climate of peace and good will.

Taking Control of Personal Stressors

1. Know Your Limits and Live Within Them. Whether it's saying no more often, or setting a ceiling on spending and other indulgences, pay attention to how you use your energy and resist using it out of guilt. Do only what your heart and spirit are really joyful about doing.

2. Take Even Better Care of Yourself Than Usual. In periods of predictable stress, it's important to maintain daily health routines. Getting the rest, nutrition, exercise, and hydration the body needs strengthens our ability to tolerate small irritatants. If you have to get less sleep, or skip meals or workouts in order to have time for activities that are inherently stressful, you're not taking good care of yourself.

3. Believe in Your Essential Goodness. Many people are driven to take on more stress than necessary out of an erroneous belief that if they don't they will be seen as bad, flawed, uncaring, or mean. Allowing guilt, fear or anticipation of others' disapproval to dictate how we use our energy is an act of giving in to a tyrrany of toxic assumptions and dysfunctional expectations. If you are caught in this trap, start telling yourself that you are a good, kind, and caring person and that doesn't change if you decline an invitation, or refrain from sending obligatory gifts and cards.

4. Redefine, Reschedule, Resist, and Renew. Stress can be managed well by redefining priorities, rescheduling anything that doesn't have a critical deadline, resisting the impulse to "fix" others, and saving yourself enough time and resources for personal renewal.

5. Give in a Meaningful Way. The commercialized holiday scene pressures us into thinking we must buy, buy, buy to appropriately give, give, give. But mindlessness only serves meaninglessness, and leaves us feeling empty, dissatisfied, stressed out, or worse. Find a meaningful way to give to others that makes an important difference in their lives to connect yourself to the spirituality of the season -- the universally hoped for return of enLightenment, and peace to the world.

Ending Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is one in which you are continually emotionally abused, feel unsafe or discouraged in being fully authentic, or are disempowered and left unable to get your psychospiritual needs met. Attacks of criticism and ridicule that come out of the blue are difficult to defend against in effective ways, much less in a loving manner.

Toxic relationships do not have to be endured, no matter who they are with. We don't have to put up with cruel, sarcastic, disapproving, abusive behavior to keep the peace. I coach those who are in such relationships to give to themselves the gift of severing ties with such people, if not permanently, then especially during the holiday season. Here are a few ways to do that:

1. Decline to attend family gatherings that include abusive, critical, or shaming relatives. You do not owe anyone an explanation for choosing to keep healthy boundaries. Celebrate with friends or alone, instead.

2. Be clear, explicit and firm about your limits. Say "I can come to dinner only on Tuesday, and will need to leave by 9 pm." Keeping your own boundaries puts more control in your hands, and lowers stress levels.

3. Use the broken record technique to enforce your right to your own decisions. Repeat as necessary, "I'll be at Tuesday's dinner, but will be leaving by 9 at the latest...I'll see you at the dinner, and I'll be ending my evening by 9...Even though I will be leaving before 9, it will be good to talk to you at Tuesday's dinner." Resist others' attempts to talk you out of what you know is best for you.

4. Start stress-free traditions with friends, co-workers, neighbors or others who are not toxic. Traditions are just culturally laden habits that segments of society or family groups practice together. Decide with a new group of people what is meaningful and celebratory.

5. Take a holiday break; celebrate alone. When your world is crowded with toxic relationships, sometimes the best thing is to withdraw from all of them during the holidays. Spend the time exploring and nurturing your own spirit, dancing to your own drumbeat. Tune in to the natural world, journal, create, take a trip. Follow your own quest for meaning and be really conscious about what and why you are celebrating.

Controlling stress and toxic relationships at any time of year requires forethought, effort, and perhaps a bit of courage. The key is to let others own their own feelings about your need to take care of yourself, and for you to be mindful about how you manage your energy.

Get free tips for a Stress-Less Holiday Season for Singles, on my website http://www.EmotionalFirstAid-Coaching.com If you need coaching to help you get through the holidays, see http://www.DeahCurry.net for details on the coaching process and how it differs from counseling.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Drdeah_Curry

Tips for Dealing with Stress & Depression during Holidays by Shelby Hill at 3PM on Strictly Business Radio 12-9-08 http://ping.fm/Jsu1V

Insider Tax Tips and Advice for Entrepreneurship and Business Development on Strictly Business Radio 12-4-08. http://ping.fm/gigzO

"Stay Safe Online" - Strictly Business Radio host Anna Banks, interviews Etienne Gibbs, Internet Security Educator http://ping.fm/sNPX4

Small Business Tips for a Challenging Economy

(ARA) - As the world's economy becomes more and more challenging, small business owners need to find ways to keep their business afloat. Here are some tips to maintaining good customer relations while managing the bottom line:

Invest in technology.

Maintaining your computer systems is vital to keeping your business running smoothly. If you're not a technical whiz and you don't want to pay for ongoing information technology support, consider Macintosh computers for your business. Although they cost a little more initially, many people find the investment pays back in ease of use and longer life. More companies are releasing business software that runs on the Mac and you can also use a program such as Parallels to run any needed Windows-only software on the Mac. Investing in technology will allow you to implement other cost-saving processes and programs.

Share files and data.

When you share a centralized database and critical files between computers, it can increase productivity. For example, if a customer gets a new phone number or moves, updating it in the central database that everyone uses will keep you connected to customers. "Synchronization and file sharing are easy and intuitive on the Mac and these were key reasons driving the move to Mac," says John Ives, who runs a defense-industry consulting firm and recently made the switch to Mac.

Communicate with your customers and prospects efficiently.

In a tougher economy, don't stop marketing, just do it more efficiently. Rather than sending out direct mail, consider e-mail marketing as a way to reach out to customers and prospects alike. Using a tool such as CardScan contact management system, you can capture all your contact information electronically. Scan and read all your business cards with the card reader and use "drag–and-drop" to capture e-mail signatures or prospect contact information from Web sites. Using CardScan software, you can create and assign categories for your contacts. If you meet a group of prospects at a meeting, scan in the cards, assign the category with the meeting name and then you can send targeted follow-up e-mails to these prospects in just a few steps.

CardScan for Mac also keeps a photo of each business card, so you can flip through the various images of them on your computer, rather than losing them in a folder or a pocket. For business-owners on the go, the scanner plugs directly into your laptop's USB power source, allowing you to scan your cards on a bus, in the hotel or on an airplane – before you return to the home office.

With over 7200 contacts, Ives, needs to be organized. Using a CardScan system, he quickly enters notes for contacts such as special interests or where he met the person. "I can type in a few letters or words and instantly find the one person I need with the CardScan system," he says. "It's very easy to use and synchronizing to Address Book ensures we are using accurate and up-to-date information."

Get your business online.

Many small businesses put off building a Web site, or they let it get out of date because it costs money to maintain. But there are now many non-technical and free tools to build and maintain a Web presence. For example, using WordPress, an open-source blogging tool, you can build a blog that looks professional and is very easy to maintain. It's also a more modern approach to communicate with customers and prospects.

Use inexpensive creative resources.

If you need photos, illustrations or graphics for your marketing materials or blog, resist the urge to use the amateur-looking clip art packaged with your software programs. Instead try inexpensive online sources such as iStockphoto.com for low-cost photos and graphics, or tempatemonster.com for Web templates and blog themes.

Courtesy of ARAcontent

Anna Banks interviews Coach Colette Ellis on Strictly Business Radio today. Get tips for your social enterprise. http://ping.fm/KWD9B

Anna D. Banks Serves as Panelist for Managing Violence at Home Conference, Philadelphia, PA

Managing Violence at Home Workshop of 2008 - Special Guest Speakers – Dr. Rosalyn Pitts, Beverly Mays, MA and Anna D. Banks, GCDF. The panel and discussion was moderated by Commissioner Bridgette Obradovic, Governors Advisory Commission on African American Affairs.

Responding to the need for discussion, education and awareness about domestic violence issues, the Women’s Empowerment Initiative (WEI) of the Presbytery of Philadelphia, PCUSA and the Governor's Advisory Commission on African American Affairs (GACAAA) sponsored the “Managing Violence at Home” workshop on Saturday, November 22, 2008. The workshop was hosted at the Women’s Empowerment Center at 4950 Aspen Street, Philadelphia, PA.

The increasing number of Domestic Violence abuse cases especially among the women, in Philadelphia,Pennsylvania, is alarming. The following statistics are an indication of the severity these insidious crimes:

• Currently, Philadelphia is averaging about 1 out of every 4 women being abused, either physically or sexually, or otherwise coerced into sexual behavior by their partner.

• One in 6 women and 1 in 33 men have experienced an attempted or completed rape.

• Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner.

• The cost of intimate partner violence exceeds $5.8 billion each year. $4.1 billion of which is for direct medical and mental health services.

Opening remarks were given by Wanda McNeil, WEI President, who issued a warm welcome to all attendees. The half-day program featured a “Managing Violence at Home” panel & small group discussions moderated by Commissioner Brigette Obradovic. Featured panelist included Dr. Rosalyn Pitts of Pitts Psychological Services; Beverly Mays, MA, Therapist, Drug & Alcohol Counselor and Anna D. Banks, GCDF, professional trainer, domestic violence awareness advocate, and radio talk show host from
New Jersey.

Brief remarks were also given by Sonya M. Toler, Executive Director of Governor’s Advisory Commission on African American Affairs.

About Women’s Empowerment Initiative (WEI):

The Women’s Empowerment Initiative (WEI) is dedicated to impacting the lives of women disadvantaged by social or economic circumstances. The initiative will enable women to enhance and develop their quality of life and become architects of their future by presenting opportunities for spiritual, educational and economic transformation.

The imitative is committed to empowering women, thereby strengthening families and transforming communities.

About Governor’s Advisory Commission on African American Affairs (GACAAA):

GACAA is committed to assisting African Americans in gaining full access to all opportunities afforded to the citizens of the Commonwealth. The Commission members, appointed by the Governor, bring extensive talent, expertise and knowledge to the Commonwealth and are dedicated to working with the Governor, his staff and all sincere Pennsylvanians who share a belief in the concepts of equal justice, opportunity and equality for all of our citizens.

The commission is solution-oriented and committed to creating the necessary linkages, both private and public; to assure inclusion of African Americans at all levels within the Commonwealth.

This holistic approach of working with all people of goodwill will insure the success of the Commission and the full citizenship rights of its African American citizens.

Dr. Niama L. Williams (Dr. Ni) interviewed 11-20-2008 on "Strictly Business Radio" by host Anna D. Banks http://ping.fm/A4jwL

Is anyone teaching (off-line) internet marketing for local WAHMs, SOHOs, Start-ups and other small business? I'd love to hear from you.

Why Hackers Love Non-Profits and Small Businesses. On www.StrictlyBusinessRadio.com - http://ping.fm/1ecEK

Anna is excited that there are great people, in the New Jersey, like Maureen Walliser, CEO of Hudson Community Enterprise, Jersey City, NJ.

Add This: http://ping.fm/HfLFH

Achieve Your Goals

By Anna D. Banks




Are you interested in achieving your goals and dreams by visualizing these in the most powerful and exciting way? CLICK HERE NOW to learn more about the Vision Board software I highly recommend!”

The KEY to Attracting Everything You Want
is Captured in this Incredible Vision Board System. Visit http://ping.fm/TQZby

Visualize Your Goals

SOFTWARE REVIEW:

By Anna D. Banks

If you are committed to achieving big things in life, this amazing tool could keep you inspired for your goals and in a positive mindset… helping you to manifest the prosperity you deserve!

Review: Vision Board by OrangePeel Ltd

This company OrangePeel Ltd has come up with a way of visualizing your goals and dreams by displaying your dream images, affirmations and power words on your computer screen and other digital devices like your iPod. I though it was an interesting idea and decided to get a copy. Now that I have been using "Vision Board" for a couple of weeks, I thought I should share some of my impressions with you about whether or not it lives up to the promises that OrangePeel Ltd makes about it on their web site.

Is it really that easy to use? Would it really be that flexible and fun to create a personalized Vision Board? And what it comes down to: would it really keep me in a positive mindset and inspired to reach my goals and dreams?

The first thing that impressed me was how easy it was to order the product and get the download. I think I was actually putting pictures into the system after less than 10 minutes of ordering and I straight away received a stack of bonus products as well with my download. So that was a great start. Another thing I thought was really excellent was the simplicity of the system. It is simple to follow, yet powerful.

I played around a little, and got more and more excited as I discovered how easy it was to put my Vision Board together. I am always relieved when things actually work right the first time, and when the system is fool proof for people like me who are no computer geniuses. You can't go wrong with the three simple steps they take you through. Even a 9 year old could easily create his or her own Vision Board.

So then I really got captivated by it and found myself searching for inspiring images in my own photo gallery to include in the tool. I also checked out the online image library that is included in the software, they had some cool pictures for me to use. I also found a fantastic picture on the Internet of my dream car, my dream house, and dream vacation. Really exciting to see that moving around on my screen all the time, talking about inspiration!

I started to come up with powerful affirmations to add to the pictures. The features that really impressed me were the libraries that come with the software. If you don't know how to formulate an affirmation or power word, or just need some inspiration just use the library packed with great affirmations and power words.

You even get to choose the font and color of the affirmations that come up and you can decide whether to use colors or an image as your Vision Board background. I chose a picture I made on one of my travels of a beautiful ocean outlook, which inspires me to travel more with my family and friends.

Once I put my Vision Board together with my images, affirmations, power words, favorite music and my chosen background I thought "right, let's see if this really works..". So I clicked on "Preview" and pop there was my Vision Board showing on the screen! Wow, I felt as excited as a little child. I decided I wanted to change one of the affirmations, which was so easy to do. I like that a lot, as my dreams change from time to time so I can just adjust my Vision Board accordingly.

The software also includes a Poster Creation Module and their newest edition Vision Board. By focusing on your Vision Board at least twice a day, you are applying The Law of Attraction in a most powerful way. By constantly feeding your subconscious mind with positive affirmations and images of your dreams, feeling as if you have already achieved them, and taking inspired action you will attract your goals into your reality.

OrangePeel has recently released their latest edition Vision Board. Apart from all the powerful existing features, such as the audio module allowing you to incorporate mp3 music and voice recordings into your Vision Board, this "next generation Vision Board includes some very excited extra modules. It includes a set of new presentation themes and a revolutionary MovieRecorder! This fantastic addition allows you to create a movie of your Vision Board and display it on websites, iPod, iPhone, digital photo frames, etc. It also features a fantastic new Poster Creation Program, enabling you to freely copy and paste images and text on a Poster on your screen, which then can be taken to a print shop. So I purchased a copy of this newest edition right away, and I just LOVE it. To be honest, I didn't think they could do a better job than they already had, but this really is a step up once again from their previous version. I believe these extra features make Vision Board truly the most complete manifestation tool available anywhere!

I am equally amazed how inspired I actually am by this Vision Board. Sometimes I just bring it up on my screen to have a look and get focused again. I lean back and look at the dream images on my screen, listen to my favorite song and really feel what it would be like to have that car, or to go on those travels. This truly inspires me to take massive action and I know by feeling as if I have already achieved it, I will attract it to my reality. This is what I have learned about The Law of Attraction: the more positive energy you give to your goals, the faster you will manifest it. When I turn on my computer in the morning my Vision Board shows as the wall paper. When I come back into my office after lunch or a meeting, my Vision Board is right there showing as the screensaver, so it makes me get right back to business. Vision Board even features a little pop up balloon displaying your affirmations and power words, which increases the exposure to these affirmations and power words and helps adjusting your belief system.

Oh, I almost forgot another amazing feature. After a while I discovered the "export" function in the software. Wow, I realized I could actually send my own Vision Board to my family and business partners! What a cool way to inspire them as well. So I sent one to my partner who called me after half an hour saying "wow, what a cool way of keeping focused, where did you get this? I want to create my own". Oh, did I mention that you can also print your Vision Board. I have printed a couple of copies and hung them everywhere around the house. It drives some people, but hey I know it works! I even have been able to display my Vision Board on my PDA, thanks to this amazing "export to mobile devices feature".

I guess you know by now how impressed I am with this tool. I could go on and on about it…. But here's the bottom line: this software does absolutely everything it claims to and is a MUST for anyone serious about attracting huge success and abundance and wanting to keep inspired. It is just so complete and it makes so much sense to own one. I give this product my absolute highest recommendation.

Oh, I almost forgot: this is a very good time to check out this product as they offer an amazing set of free bonuses. So make sure to not miss out on their mind blowing bonus package valued at over $1000, including bonuses from Eva Gregory, Ruben Gonzalez, Jim Driscoll, Vic Johnson, Lee Brower and Jim Bunch, to name a few. I actually think this bonus package in itself already more than worth the investment!

CLICK HERE to read more about this powerful visualization tool, and how it can help YOU to attract the prosperity you deserve!

Live Fearlessly,

Anna

Glad to be an American! Grateful to live in a country where it's citizens CAN exercise their right to vote. I PRAY for USA & ALL citizens!

Are you a Social Entrepreneur? Let's talk! Be my guest during November on http://ping.fm/eLTKH

Are you a Social Entrepreneur? I would love to interview you on my Internet radio show during November. http://ping.fm/jvhAv

Scheduling 11-11-2008 my talk show http://ping.fm/LeQLI Topic: Social Enterprise, The New Nonprofit Hero.